American football jokes are very popular in the U.S, as it's their number one sport. The funny thing is, most of the jokes usually mock the American football players, assuming that the athletes are just a big muscular persons, but with little intelligence. Of course this is not (completely) true, as U.S applies student-athlete concept tightly, and many American football players received scholarships during their college years. You can read some examples of this mocking from American football jokes in this post. Enjoy!
Collection of American Football Jokes:
American Football Joke #1: Exam
Two college football players were taking an important final exam. If they failed, they would be on academic probation and not allowed to play in the big game the following week. The exam was fill-in-the-blank.
The last question read, "Old MacDonald had a ________."
Rodney was stumped. He had no idea what to answer. But he knew he needed to get this one right to be sure he passed. Making sure the professor wasn't watching, he tapped Buster on the shoulder. "Hey, Buster. What's the answer to the last question?"
Buster laughed. He looked around to make sure the professor hadn't noticed then he turned to Rodney. "Rodney, you're so stupid. Everyone knows Old MacDonald had a FARM."
"Oh yeah," said Rodney. "I remember now."
He picked up his pencil and started to write the answer in the blank. He stopped. Tapping Buster's shoulder again, he whispered, "Hey, how do you spell farm?"
"You are really dumb, bro. That's so easy. Farm is spelled E-I-E-I-O."
American Football Joke #2: Quick Exam
A football coach walked into the locker room before a big game, looked over to his star player and said, "I'm not supposed to let you play since you failed math, but we really need you in there. So, what I have to do is ask you a math question, and if you get it right, you can play."
The player agreed, so the coach looked into his eyes intently and asked, - "Okay, now concentrate hard and tell me the answer to this: What is two plus two?" The player thought for a moment and then answered, "4?" "Did you say 4?!" the coach exclaimed, excited that he had given the right answer. Suddenly, all the other players on the team began screaming, "Come on coach, give him another chance!"
American Football Joke #3: Discussion Topic
Albert Einstein arrives at a party and introduces himself to the first person he sees and asks, "What is your IQ?" to which the man answers "241." "That is wonderful!," says Albert. "We will talk about the Grand Unification Theory and the mysteries of the Universe. We will have much to discuss!"
Next Albert introduces himself to a woman and asks, "What is your IQ?" To which the lady answers, "144." "That is great!," responds Albert. "We can discuss politics and current affairs. We will have much to discuss!"
Albert goes to another person and asks, "What is your IQ?" to which the man answers, "51." Albert responds, "How 'bout them Cowboys?"
American Football Joke #4: The Bear Family
The three bears had been having some trouble recently and ended up in family court. Momma and Poppa bear were splitting up, and baby bear had to decide who he was going to live with. So, the judge wanted to talk to baby bear to see what he thought about living with either of his parents.
When he asked baby bear about living with his father, baby bear said "No, I can't live with Poppa bear, he beats me terribly." "Okay," said the judge, "Then you want to live with your mother, right?" "No way!" replied baby bear, "She beats me worse than Poppa bear does."
The judge was a bit confused by this, and didn't quite know what to do. "Well, you have to live with someone, so are there any relatives you would like to stay with?" "Yes," answered baby bear, "my aunt Bertha bear has big family, and they live in Chicago. "You're sure they will treat you well and won't beat you?" asked the judge. "Oh certainly," said baby bear, "The Chicago Bears never beat anybody."
American Football Joke #5: Die Hard Fan
There was a Packers fan with a really crappy seat at Lambeau. Looking with his binoculars, he spotted an empty seat on the 50-yard line. Thinking to himself "what a waste" he made his way down to the empty seat.
When he arrived at the seat, he asked the man sitting next to it, "Is this seat taken?" The man replied, "This was my wife's seat. She passed away. She was a big Packers fan."
The other man replied,"I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. May I ask why you didn't give the ticket to a friend or a relative?" The man replied, "They're all at the funeral."
American Football Joke #6: New Fan
A guy took his girlfriend to her first football game. Afterward he asked her how she liked the game. "I liked it, but I couldn't understand why they were killing each other for 25 cents," she said.
"What do you mean?" he asked.
"At the beginning of the game," she explained, “I saw the two guys flip a quarter. Then the rest of the game, I heard everyone around me yelling, ‘Get the quarterback! Get the quarter back!’ I can’t believe a whole game revolves around 25 cents!”
American Football Joke #7: Smart Dog
One Sunday afternoon, a guy walks with his loyal dog into a bar in downtown New York. The bartender said, "Sorry, pal. No pets allowed." The man replied, "This is a special dog. Turn on the Jets game and you'll see." The bartender, anxious to see what will happen, turned on the game.
The guy said, "Watch. Whenever the Jets score, my dog does flips." The Jets keep scoring field goals and the dog keeps flipping and jumping. "Wow! That's one hell of a dog you got there. What happens when the Jets score a touchdown?" asked the bartender.
The man replied, "I don't know. I've only had him for seven years."
American Football Joke #8: Animal Football League
The lion has a new inspiration for the next jungle game, "Humans play called football. I've seen it on T.V," he said to the jungle citizens. He proceeded to describe it to the rest of the animals and they all got excited about it so they decided to play. They went out to the field and chose up teams and were ready to begin.
The lion's team received. They were able to get two first downs and then had to punt. The mule punted and the rhino was back deep for the kick. He caught the ball, lowered his head and charged. First, he crushed a roadrunner, then two rabbits. He gored a wildebeest, knocked over two cows, and broke through to daylight, scoring six. Unfortunately, they lacked a placekicker, and the score remained 6 - 0. Late in the first half the lion's team scored a touchdown and the mule kicked the extra point. The lion's team led at halftime 7 - 6.
In the locker room, the lion gave a pep-talk. "Look you guys. We can win this game. We've got the lead and they only have one real threat. We've got to keep the ball away from the rhino, he's a killer. Mule, when you kick off be sure to keep it away from the rhino."
The second half began. Just as the mule was about to kick off, the rhino's team changed formation and the ball went directly to the rhino. Once again, the rhino lowered his head and was off running. First, he stomped two gazelles. He skewered a zebra, and bulldozed an elephant out of the way. It looked like he was home free. Suddenly at the twenty yard line, he dropped over dead. There were no other animals in sight anywhere near him. The lion went over to see what had happened. Right next to the dead rhino he saw a small centipede.
"Did you do this?" he asked the centipede. "Yeah, I did." the centipede replied. The lion retorted, "Where were you during the first half?" "I was putting on my shoes."
American Football Joke #9: American Football Riddles
Why did the American football team go to the phone booth?
To get their quarter back.
Why did the American football players miss their flight for the big game?
They were stuck on a broken escalator!
What do you call a Cowboys' fan with half a brain?
What do you call a Minnesota Viking with a Super Bowl ring?
Why are the Chicago Bears like a possum?
Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.
What's the difference between the New York Jets and a dollar bill?
You can still get four quarters out of a dollar.
Why did the Nebraska linebacker steal a police car?
He saw "911" on the side and thought it was a Porsche.
American Football Joke #10: Macarena
Do you know how to do the Dallas Cowboys version of the Macarena?
Stand a foot away from a wall.
Place one hand on the wall, and then the other.
Spread one leg, then the other.
Place one hand behind your head, and then the other.
Place one hand behind your back, and then the other.
Have the policeman handcuff one hand, then the other.